So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
