so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We left the knife in your bed.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
