he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just tell him i said nine months
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
