you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
