I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
