Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
