If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
