It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
