FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
