He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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