I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
