u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
