I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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