Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
