my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
