my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
