well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
