Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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