If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
