I wish I could teleport
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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