So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Come see our sink grown plant.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
