I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
