Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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