I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
