Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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