that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
