We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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