She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
