She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Randomize
