smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
