he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
