Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
