Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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