I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
