You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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