Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
