I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
