I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
