Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
