Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
