I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
