I could make wine with my vomit
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
