Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
