Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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