Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You can't just leave with hair like that
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
