Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
40s are totally the cure
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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