he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
