So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
