Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
