They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
