he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
