Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
