I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
